Kennel Coughings (pre 2016 election)


It is more important that you know my picture than it is my name because I have bought space on this web site to announce my desire to be the Republican nominee for President of the United States.  As there is nothing in our constitution that prohibits me from running, and possessing attributes and qualification that at least are on a par with the present rosters of “would be’s” I feel that I am in the best position to bring real change to Washington.  Let me be more specific. I would bring a more intuitive basis for decision making; trusting on my far superior senses of smell and hearing to sort through vexing areas of an ailing economy and lack of peace in the world. I would recruit heavily from the Field and Working Classes at the Westminster  Kennel Club Dog Show, certain to be attractive to organized labor and its voting considerations. Each recruit would have to have papers, but not go on  them. Each would be a proven competitor if not a champion.

As I am a quadruped, I would have twice as many stances on the issues as my competitors. Further, I have a coat of silky black fur that would be the envy of any politician. My teeth are clean and bright and my smile is literally a grin from ear to ear.

I truly embrace the philosophy of speaking softly and I love carrying a big stick. I am particularly suited for campaigning in that I was taught how to shake hands endlessly while a mere puppy, and treat every stranger as a potential source of a handout, that is as an ally with a vote. This alone should lead to improved relations with the Legislative Branch. I have learned to be especially charming because not all handouts are easily obtained. People frequently come up to me on street and talk to me in silly little voices in silly little phrases that can only be described as positive reactions to my very presence. I feel that it would not be too difficult to lead these people.


I present myself to you unencumbered by the owing of favors or loyalties to any particular segment of our society. I possess no religious views or political opinions that could not be reshaped to suit the changing audience. I am unfailingly happy and greet each day with optimism and endless hope. Yet, I do understand the meaning of the word “No” from my early training and recognize its place as part of decision-making. I feel that as support for my candidacy grows, lack of transparency will never be an issue. My tail will tell the tale. Simply stated I will be receptive to anything that causes my tail to wag and opposed to anything that causes me to tuck tail. What clearer feedback could a President provide to his constituents.?


Finally, why am I choosing to run as a Republican? My response is, given that the present roster of candidates resembles the co-stars of daytime television shows, I would not seem outlandish, grasping or over-reaching by comparison. In other words, I am highly electable given today’s political climate, the talent announced previous to today’s proclamation, and America's need for more benevolent, compassionate and effective leadership. If nothing else, I will provide Paws for Thought. God bless you all and God bless the United States of America. Honest .